I weigh too much, I take up too much space, I think too much, I AM too much.
I want to be skinny(er - always, always skinner). I want to lose weight. I want to be able to stop when I binge. I want to stop cutting. I want to be a better runner, better person, better... I want so many things...
I need to stop this amusement park ride with the sick clown faces always grinning, laughing at me, telling me to lose one more pound and one more and I can leave and get off and be happy and free and smile a real smile, not one with pain behind my eyes and blood on my fingers and ice in my soul.
I fear that's too much to ask.
Hun, stay strong. I hope when you look in the mirror you see at least one thing about you that you love. Embrace that! Hopefully you'll make it through this.. We are here for you.
ReplyDeleteI've felt like this (like 5 times a week) and I just wanna sleep my life away...But remember that even the darkest shadows will always be threatened by the rise of dawn.
xoxoxo
I hope you hold that to your heart. You're heart is lovely ;)
Wow, pixiestix said it perfectly. Try to really understand what she was getting at, because its true. You are lovely, and I wish you could see it. You can do this, whether this is recovery, or losing more weight. You can do whatever you put your mind to, I just hope for you the best.
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