I'll come back. I'll tell my story, get this off my chest.
I weigh 98 pounds. This should make me smile as 99 did, but all I can think is: well, one more pound to 97! Just six to 90! I'm fucking fucked up and I hate this and I don't know... ....Anonymous, hope you're happy, 'cause your comment has really made me think. I don't have a reply yet. I can't let them shrink my head with meds and crap again, I can't...
....
I know I promised a picture, but I just can't. I'm sorry.
I feel like such a failure. Always.
You girls are all beautiful and my lifelines and I love you.
One plus: I haven't starting puking again yet... I just exercise til I want to die.
Stay strong, think thin, feel love, and never stop breathing, even when it hurts.
Posie
Darling,
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you need a break.
Get out of the house - go for a walk - read - paint your nails - clear out your closet - spin around until you get dizzy and fall over - skim stones - sing as loud as you can to your favourite song.
It's cliche but true. It will make you feel better.
Please believe me - 98 is enough ok? It is enough for today, tomorrow and however much longer you choose.
One day it might be 97. It might not.
All that matters right now is you. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE.
You are amazing. Please find a way to make yourself feel ok, even if it's just for an hour. It will make tomorrow seem better. I promise.
Love you xxx
Oh, and I am so fucking proud of you for not purging. SO PROUD!
ReplyDelete