I am a fucking disgusting fat lard who doesn't deserve to live.
Binge. Goddammit, I fucking feel like my stomach is ripping open, I'm literally curled up in pain.
I hate myself with the firey passion of a thousand suns. That was probably 2000 calories RIGHT THERE.
But I will. not. purge.
This disease can fuck up my mind but I WILL NOT LET MYSELF PUKE THIS UP.
FUCKITY FUCK I HATE ME. I DESERVE TO SUFFER THIS WITHOUT PUKING.
Dammit. I'm sorry to rant like this. The food, the weight, the guilt... Oh, dear God... I'm so afraid I'm stepping off the deep end completely. Bonkers, mental, loony, mad, insane, one (or 11) egg(s) short of a dozen and bats in my belfry...
*curls up and sobs* I hate me. I truly do.
Nonsense.
ReplyDeleteThere's always tomorrow. You know?
oh i know what you mean, but dont say those things! hey, we all love and care for you and we can help you! we are here to support you and tomorrow is a new day :)
ReplyDeletejust do better.
xoxo
Sorry sweetie! plz be careful! everyone deserves to survive through the pain. If you're really hurting then go to the doctors. It's ok to cry and be down...you just have to get up again, that's the ONLY way to win and tell life to FUCK OFF :)
ReplyDeletethe literal physical pain that comes from me eating anyhing more than the size of my fist is what makes it the worst. I could just ignore it (or try to) if my body wasn't literally punishing me for being such a pig.
ReplyDeleteDon't purge, I know you can do it. And you're doing so so so well, one bad day is a given amongst a ton of great days. Plus, that binge might give you the metabolism boost you need to shed a few more pounds afterwards! There are always positives. Stay strong!