from "memento mori" to a phoenix rising
sickness to recovery

Sunday, October 3, 2010

i can't even think straight enough to make a title

I have no idea where to begin, so this is just going to be a rant in no particular order.

Mom found out I weighed 93.  I insisted that night that it's xc/school/stress/etc.  Friday morning I weigh 92, but she doesn't find that out.  Parents force a normal (aka HUGE) dinner on me Friday night.  I feel like such shit cause of that I kind of FREAK OUT and eat like a normal person (which is completely binging for me) all Saturday and so far all today and I haven't even exercised AT ALL DAMMIT.  I can't seem to stop.  I don't know what's going on.  My body is revolting against all this poison food but I CAN'T FUCKING STOP and I'm also (tmi here) sooo stopped up that I don't know how much I weigh and it's killing me and I don't know what to do, I'm shaking and crying and eating and not-puking but I tried, I failed myself and tried to purge but I couldn't and I don't know why and
dear
God

I
am
going
insane.
Posted by at

3 comments:

  1. AydenOctober 3, 2010 at 4:07 PM

    I know how you feel. Once you start eating, your brain wont let you stop. I hate it so much... I think I'd like to lock myself in my room for a whole day and stay away from food lol.

    I ate almost nothing yesterday, and then my family had me eat at around 9:00. My stomach didn't like the food, and so I still have a stomach ache from last nights poisoning =/

    So yeah, I know how you feel. I'm always here for you, hun!

    ReplyDelete
  2. pixistix14October 3, 2010 at 10:07 PM

    I'm sorry sweetie.
    Have you considered a salt water flush?
    92 sounds so lovely...
    stay lovey sweetie

    ReplyDelete
  3. robyngabrielleOctober 4, 2010 at 4:38 AM

    Oh darling my heart is breaking reading this - please please try to calm yourself and don't beat yourself up too much - if you do gain, you'll lose it again. There isn't a time limit!

    Have a camomile tea and BREATHE.

    I love you, I want you to be ok for me, please?

    xx

    ReplyDelete

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