from "memento mori" to a phoenix rising
sickness to recovery

Saturday, October 16, 2010

distractions and questions

PSATs went really well!  Yay!  And Mom didn't get up to make me breakfast so I got away with my usual hard boiled egg white (17).

At the moment, however, I'm in a spot of bother.  Found out that the extended family is coming over tonight, which is 95% of the time a binge for me - my family LOVES food.  I had planned to skip lunch, but I know that if I do, I'll be waaaaay too hungry tonight, and it will be bad.  So, I pulled out my handy dandy nut mixture - I pick out the almonds and eat 5 for 35 calories, protein, energy, and feeling full.  Plus, I try to eat a TINY bit for breakfast/lunch most days (usually I have a third of an apple for lunch, and the egg white for breakfast), keep my metabolism sort of going :P  Anyway, then I was like, "Well, one walnut can't be that many calories...  or one soybean...  or one cashew... CRAPCRAPCRAP I NEED TO STOP!"  So I quickly put them away and dashed off to here to distract myself...  But I'm so hungry >.<  My body is starving but mind will freak, and I mean FREAK, if I binge...  Distracting self, distracting!  Don't think about food!  Think about 88 pounds and then 87...  Breathe, breathe, breathe.

I hope that wasn't too many calories =/  I hate going over 50 for breakfast/lunch because I have to eat dinner and act normal with the family every night...  And today is supposed to be my day off running!  My running is getting worse and worse without enough food, and that's bad...  My legs are just exhausted alllllll the time :P

Argh.  I'll do some homework and try not to think about food, and under NO circumstances will I binge tonight.  NOT.  HAPPENING.

Hmmm, idea:

In order to help distract me, please comment with any/all questions you've got about me/my life/etc.  :]  I'll do my best to answer!  Thanks girls.

3 comments:

  1. :P handy dandy nut mixture! well love, have more FAITH in yourself, if you start off thinking you will fail then you will - i KNOW you will be ok becuase you are strong goddamnit!!

    ok ok questions... whats your LW, why are you so wonderful and who is your like dream celeb to date ;) oooh lala

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  2. Awww, thank you Bella <3
    My LW for this current height WAS 94 lbs :) It's now my CW as well! At 5'2" it was probably about 85 lbs... not sure exactly.
    I am not so wonderful at all but thank you very much :)
    Dream celeb!? Goodness, hard one =/ I have soooo many celebrity crushes haha, but I gotta say one of these hotties:

    Tom Welling: He's GORGEOUS and omg, plays Clark Kent in Smallville. Does it get better!? http://www.stars-celebrites.com/wallpapers/W/welling02.htm

    Tom Felton: Draco Malfoy. I've a crush on the character AND the actor! http://www.contactmusic.com/pics/lc/harry_potter_090709/tom_felton_5321814.jpg

    Joseph Gordon Levitt: Adorable in 500 Days of Summer, and a total BAMF in Inception. Plus, he's funny and can sing <3 http://geektyrant.com/storage/post-images/joseph-gordon-levitt.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1276193768809

    Ian Somerhalder: Just gorgeous. 'Nuff said. http://s.chakpak.com/se_images/14292_-1_564_none/ian-somerhalder-better-one-wallpaper.jpg

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  3. mmmmmhmmm tom welling :)
    sorry your legs are tired.
    As for the nuts and calorie.. I know its tiedous and such a struggle...
    you'll get through this honey.
    focus on the future.
    xoxo

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