For one, glorious, shining moment last night, I was a real girl.
Anyone have an explanation?
As I said, I was having a bad day calories-wise because of breakfast, and hoping to eat nothing else when I went out. So I went running, only a mile because of my dumb pulled-muscle, biked 2.5 miles, 12 minutes of abs, 100 squats, 50 lunges, 30 push ups, 30 tricep extensions... etc. So I was feeling pretty alright...
...and then Mum made fruit salad before I left, which I never turn down, and then I completely binged on nuts. So I was feeling pretty awful and determined not to eat anything at the party, but Boyfriend... I love him, but he doesn't understand the panic that food creates, you know? Anyway, he means well... sat with me until I ate an ENTIRE slice of pizza and a tiny piece of a brownie. Afterwards, we sat on a blanket and cuddled and watched the stars come out and he told me I was beautiful, and I felt beautiful! I felt thin and light and airy, even with all that food in my overly full stomach. And when he dropped me off at home he kissed me and told me again how beautiful I was (am?). I went inside and looked in the mirror and saw a gorgeous, tiny, skinny girl with shining eyes - in love, happy, thin, thin, thin.
Then I woke up this morning and it was all gone, and I'm back up to 103 lbs.
I just want to know what's wrong with me. Why am I such a psycho?
Love, Posie
PS: I also binged and ate a muffin for breakfast today. Bugger.
baby I feel the exact same way all the time. I look at the stranger in the mirror and can't ever find myself. Sometimes for a second or two I see the 'tiny' pretty girl everyone else sees, but suddenly it's gone and fat&ugly&gross&fat all come rushing back. :( lovely blog! Xoxo
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