...but at least I'm not going alone!
Thank you all so much for your support and love <3 I can't even imagine what I did without you before! This kind of online community gets so much crap in the media and stuff, but honestly, I've never been anywhere with as much as love and support. You guys are the BEST. And Peri? I hear purgatory IS very nice this time of year! Let's go this weekend.
Sorry for all the whining, I'm just in a really bad place mentally and physically plateaued at 103 *sob/sigh*
Anyway, someone once asked me what my idea of hell was, and I said I didn't know.
I do now.
Hell? Hell is eating a ton because your mother and family and friends and team and coach are watching you, and wanting to DIE or PUKE or SOMETHING because you're going insane, legitimately nuts, and having your head in the toilet but at the same time not wanting to screw yourself over again with that, cause if you start puking you can't stop it, ever, so you don't purge, and instead slash up your arms with the first sharp thing you lay hands on, and then lying to your boyfriend about the scars on your arms.
Knowing the whole time that you ARE insane and that there's something wrong with you, that this can't be normal, but YOU CAN'T STOP.
That's hell.
Sorry for the run-on sentence, haha :P
Much love,
Posie
lol I didn't even realize that it was a run-on sentence until you pointed it out.
ReplyDeleteI know where you are, hun. Just hang in there. It'll get better =] I promise