I don't know what this means for me, or anyone. My GW for Thanksgiving was anything in the 80s...
But my mom made me get on the scale in front of her.
It said 82 pounds.
And I broke down. We cried together and I told her everything, literally everything. How much I hate myself, the guilt, the fear, the starving, the cold, the guilt, the hunger, the guiltguiltguilt every time I eat.
She's going to try to help me.
I'm going to get better.
Or at least... I'm going to try for my definition of better. Which is basically happy and still skinny, without a complete paralyzing fear of food/social engagements that involve food/etc.
She says she only wants me to get out of the 80s. So once the scale says 90 (BMI 15.9), if I haven't gone insane, I'll maintain. Until something snaps or I get really better or what.
(She doesn't know I rigged the scale so it says a pound heavier than I actually am. So at 90, I'll actually be 89, and I can keep that knowledge inside if I need to.)
I love you all, more than I can say. I'm not going to stop blogging, but I probably won't have as much to say.
Memento mori - remember you must die.
So live every day like it's your last.
I just want to be happy. Pray for me, please.
A million pounds of love,
Posie
great, another ana girl gone to 'recovery.'
ReplyDeleteyou're a dissapointment
such a wannarexic
i'm glad you're getting help and that you were able to open up to your mom. i wish you all the luck and i will definitely be praying for you! you deserve happiness. stay in touch!
ReplyDeletePosie, don't listen to that asshole meanface Anonymous. Bitch. She's just jealous she doesn't have your support system. It's awesome, what you're doing. I think that as long as you're happy (as I hope you will be when you reach 89/90!) then the world is the way it should be. It's awesome that your mom is able to understand that your situation is difficult and that she's prepared to work with you in whatever way is most efficient and possible. Stay strong and know that we're all here for you, whenever you need to let it out. Lots of love!!!!!
ReplyDeletexo
Victoria
I'm sorry you had such an emotional moment with your mom.. it must have been hard. But it's so beautiful that your mom is carin and loving about this. You are blessed.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this.. 90's isn't bad ok remember that! food isn't bad either.
I love you, we all do.
And the anonymous person can go suck a dick.