tomorrow

Tomorrow, I go back to school.


Tomorrow, you will stop watching me for three meals a day and one mandatory snack.


Tomorrow, I will restart my exercise program.


Tomorrow, I'll stop eating again, except what you make me eat at dinner.


I look at myself in the mirror and cry.  I look normal.  Like a healthy, thin, gorgeous human being.  I remember, just a few months ago, 82 pounds...  ribs, hip bones, a huge gap between my thighs, constant shivering, a fur coat, starvation, misery...  but, oh, to be that skinny - skin and bones - again...


What would 80 be like?


I'm scared to find out.  This is dangerous.  


I've always liked danger.


Tomorrow?


Tomorrow I starve.


Happy New Year to Posie.