i pretty much just wanna be a princess right now.
HARRY, I'M SINGLE.
(i promise i'm not one of those creepy prince stalkers in real life, haha)
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
losing control, most often
25695) I’m always either losing weight, losing control, or losing my mind.
http://confessionsabouteatingdisorders.tumblr.com/post/4931740804
so true. losing my mind?
try LOST.
http://confessionsabouteatingdisorders.tumblr.com/post/4931740804
so true. losing my mind?
try LOST.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Happy Easter!
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
~John 3:16Happy Resurrection Day, my lovely followers. Jesus died on the cross for YOU! Spread the good news! God bless you and keep you and remember that He loves you NO MATTER WHAT. Even if you eat a ton of Easter candy (like I am and plan to - by golly I gave up every good food for Lent and did not cheat once, I get a freaking guilt free day! (I hope))!
Happy Easter, enjoy the beautiful weather (it's GORGEOUS by me) and I will update you all asap.
Love always,
Posie (who adores Easter and Easter colors and all things Easter, but most of all Jesus <3)
Monday, April 18, 2011
peppers
I've taken to eating whole peppers for lunch or dinner.
I love the color (they're so pretty), how fun they are to cute up, and the taste.
They're low-cal and healthy.
I'm allergic to them.
Peppers make me physically ill.
News: I realized what I want to major in when I go to college.
Nutrition. Yep. Foods, nutrition, and wellness studies.
I love the color (they're so pretty), how fun they are to cute up, and the taste.
They're low-cal and healthy.
I'm allergic to them.
Peppers make me physically ill.
News: I realized what I want to major in when I go to college.
Nutrition. Yep. Foods, nutrition, and wellness studies.
Sometimes my life is so freaking ironic I just have to laugh.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
sorry to be so missing in action
I find it difficult to use the abbreviation "MIA" nowadays =/
But shit has come up.
Update asap.
But shit has come up.
Update asap.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
This Is How I Disappear
by My Chemical Romance
GO!
To un-explain the unforgivable,
Drain all the blood and give the kids a show.
By streetlight this dark night,
A seance down below.
There're things that I have done,
You should never know!
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
Who walks among the famous living dead,
Drowns all the boys and girls inside your head.
And if you could talk to me,
Tell me if it's so,
That all the good girls go to heaven.
Well, heaven knows
That without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
Can you hear me cry out to you?
Words I thought I'd choke on figure out.
I'm really not so with you anymore.
I'm just a ghost,
So I can't hurt you anymore,
So I can't hurt you anymore.
And now, you wanna see how far down I can sink?
Let me go, fuck!
So, you can, well now so, you can
I'm so far away from you.
Well now so, you can.
And without you is how I disappear,
And without you is how I disappear,
Whoa whoa... (And without you is how I disappear)
Whoa whoa... (And without you... is how, is how, is how...)
Forever, forever now!
GO!
To un-explain the unforgivable,
Drain all the blood and give the kids a show.
By streetlight this dark night,
A seance down below.
There're things that I have done,
You should never know!
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
Who walks among the famous living dead,
Drowns all the boys and girls inside your head.
And if you could talk to me,
Tell me if it's so,
That all the good girls go to heaven.
Well, heaven knows
That without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
And without you is how I disappear,
And live my life alone forever now.
Can you hear me cry out to you?
Words I thought I'd choke on figure out.
I'm really not so with you anymore.
I'm just a ghost,
So I can't hurt you anymore,
So I can't hurt you anymore.
And now, you wanna see how far down I can sink?
Let me go, fuck!
So, you can, well now so, you can
I'm so far away from you.
Well now so, you can.
And without you is how I disappear,
And without you is how I disappear,
Whoa whoa... (And without you is how I disappear)
Whoa whoa... (And without you... is how, is how, is how...)
Forever, forever now!
Monday, April 11, 2011
fight back
Anonymous: Curious as to what an eating disorder can do to a normal, healthy girl just stepping into the world? Exactly how it begins and how stealthily it will destroy everything you’ve ever known?
It starts as nothing. You don’t wake up one morning and realize that your brain is malfunctioning, tempting you to commit your own slow, agonizing death. It starts out as a swiftly fleeting thought, a shallow comment from another. You begin to think, maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I would be happier a little thinner, maybe people would accept me if I looked differently. You start “dieting”, eating a little less than before, replacing cookies with crackers, coke for diet. A couple pounds later you begin to see the difference in the scale, yet the mirror seems to think otherwise. You start feeling bigger than you were before. You binge from the embarrassment of feeling like a failure and lack of nutrients. You tell yourself tomorrow will be better and go for a jog. As you run, a voice quietly plays in the back of your mind, counting calories, how much weight you can lose in a week.
Soon, you find yourself in an inescapable trap. Suddenly, you’re too busy working out and hating what you have become, all the fat clinging from your body to spend time with your friends. Instead of going out for late fast food runs or a evening at the mall, you’re locked in your room, to exhausted to get out of bed, punching yourself in the stomach to make it stop growling, suffering from a migraine and lack of self-esteem. Instead of having a conversation with a family member, you’ll be talking to “Ana” or “Mia”, the only ones you can confide in.
Eating disorders block everything else out.
They take away your relationships, forget falling in love, you’ll be too busy starving, purging, and binging to be able to let yourself get close enough to anyone, to even consider the notion of falling in love. They take away your hobbies. Your eating disorder becomes your new best friend, put out of your mind any interests and dreams, this is more important. Maybe when you’re thin enough you’ll be worthy of doing what you love, but right now, you have no chance, you’ll just embarrass yourself.
Eating disorders take away your memories, your energy, your personality, your innocence. They can turn a healthy, naturally slim young girl into a monster. They begin to control you, forcing you to stain your teeth smoking and drinking hundreds of cups of black coffee (which you’re not even fond of in the first place) in a futile attempt to suppress your appetite. They will make you antisocial, depressed, miserable, anxious, short tempered, and sarcastic. You’ll be cold all the time and your hair will be thicker on your pillow than on your head. You’ll find yourself cutting and burning away at your own flesh, throwing up until you see blood, picking at your face until it’s swollen and bleeding, and most of all, they will ruin your metabolism and make you fatter than you were before you went through this hell, that is, if you even make it out alive.
Eating disorders are a distraction, an escape from the problems we are faced with everyday. They keep you busy counting the days until you’re finally thin, finally happy.
But the thing is, you never are. It’s never good enough.
Eventually, you realize that you can’t continue this way, that you will never be content, thin or not. This disorder will never allow you to feel beautiful.
You are. Fight back.
http://confessionsabouteatingdisorders.tumblr.com/post/4525698894
Fight back, fight back, fight back. Fail, fail, fail.
Hold your head in your hands as tears leak through your fingers and you sit alone, looking at the lunch that you know youneed to should just can't eat. Unable. Can't do it. Can't or won't? Not worth it. Not worth the inevitable pain.
Look up when someone sits down next to you, eyes red and tear-stained cheeks, don't even care about runny mascara and blotchy face.
Ex-Boy. There is pain in his eyes. Turn away. He leaves.
Well, fuck you. You didn't listen, you didn't know, you let me go. You let me go.
And I fell off the edge of the world.
It starts as nothing. You don’t wake up one morning and realize that your brain is malfunctioning, tempting you to commit your own slow, agonizing death. It starts out as a swiftly fleeting thought, a shallow comment from another. You begin to think, maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I would be happier a little thinner, maybe people would accept me if I looked differently. You start “dieting”, eating a little less than before, replacing cookies with crackers, coke for diet. A couple pounds later you begin to see the difference in the scale, yet the mirror seems to think otherwise. You start feeling bigger than you were before. You binge from the embarrassment of feeling like a failure and lack of nutrients. You tell yourself tomorrow will be better and go for a jog. As you run, a voice quietly plays in the back of your mind, counting calories, how much weight you can lose in a week.
Soon, you find yourself in an inescapable trap. Suddenly, you’re too busy working out and hating what you have become, all the fat clinging from your body to spend time with your friends. Instead of going out for late fast food runs or a evening at the mall, you’re locked in your room, to exhausted to get out of bed, punching yourself in the stomach to make it stop growling, suffering from a migraine and lack of self-esteem. Instead of having a conversation with a family member, you’ll be talking to “Ana” or “Mia”, the only ones you can confide in.
Eating disorders block everything else out.
They take away your relationships, forget falling in love, you’ll be too busy starving, purging, and binging to be able to let yourself get close enough to anyone, to even consider the notion of falling in love. They take away your hobbies. Your eating disorder becomes your new best friend, put out of your mind any interests and dreams, this is more important. Maybe when you’re thin enough you’ll be worthy of doing what you love, but right now, you have no chance, you’ll just embarrass yourself.
Eating disorders take away your memories, your energy, your personality, your innocence. They can turn a healthy, naturally slim young girl into a monster. They begin to control you, forcing you to stain your teeth smoking and drinking hundreds of cups of black coffee (which you’re not even fond of in the first place) in a futile attempt to suppress your appetite. They will make you antisocial, depressed, miserable, anxious, short tempered, and sarcastic. You’ll be cold all the time and your hair will be thicker on your pillow than on your head. You’ll find yourself cutting and burning away at your own flesh, throwing up until you see blood, picking at your face until it’s swollen and bleeding, and most of all, they will ruin your metabolism and make you fatter than you were before you went through this hell, that is, if you even make it out alive.
Eating disorders are a distraction, an escape from the problems we are faced with everyday. They keep you busy counting the days until you’re finally thin, finally happy.
But the thing is, you never are. It’s never good enough.
Eventually, you realize that you can’t continue this way, that you will never be content, thin or not. This disorder will never allow you to feel beautiful.
You are. Fight back.
http://confessionsabouteatingdisorders.tumblr.com/post/4525698894
Fight back, fight back, fight back. Fail, fail, fail.
Hold your head in your hands as tears leak through your fingers and you sit alone, looking at the lunch that you know you
Look up when someone sits down next to you, eyes red and tear-stained cheeks, don't even care about runny mascara and blotchy face.
Ex-Boy. There is pain in his eyes. Turn away. He leaves.
Well, fuck you. You didn't listen, you didn't know, you let me go. You let me go.
And I fell off the edge of the world.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
disclaimer
I did not draw that last picture. But I'm too busy to write a real post! Lots has happened. Ugh. Update later.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
i want to hear all of your quirks...
...about weighing yourself.
I'm genuinely curious, drop me a comment and let me know what you all do.
Once a day? Once a week? Twice a day? Every five minutes? Before/after eating/peeing/exercising?
What do you do to find out your weight?
Personally, I weigh compulsively. After ANYTHING - drinking, eating, peeing, working out... And I always step on three times. Never more, never less.
One, two, three makes it true.
One, two, three to measure my sins and weigh my faults.
One, two, three, thrice on the scale today.
One, two, three times, I saw 99.
I am back.
I'm genuinely curious, drop me a comment and let me know what you all do.
Once a day? Once a week? Twice a day? Every five minutes? Before/after eating/peeing/exercising?
What do you do to find out your weight?
Personally, I weigh compulsively. After ANYTHING - drinking, eating, peeing, working out... And I always step on three times. Never more, never less.
One, two, three makes it true.
One, two, three to measure my sins and weigh my faults.
One, two, three, thrice on the scale today.
One, two, three times, I saw 99.
I am back.
Monday, April 4, 2011
attitude update
That's what I need. Sorry for all the depressing posts lately :P
I'm gonna try to write longer tomorrow and respond to comments, so much homework today, ugh!
Hope you girls are all well. Again, thanks for following me and encouraging me <3
If I'm not following you, drop me a comment! I want to get to know y'all.
I'm gonna try to write longer tomorrow and respond to comments, so much homework today, ugh!
Hope you girls are all well. Again, thanks for following me and encouraging me <3
If I'm not following you, drop me a comment! I want to get to know y'all.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
sunday stupidity
I honestly hate myself right now. Every time I lose a little, someone makes me eat and I get out of control and eat too much and gain it back.
Gain it all back.
All I want is to be able to run again.
When I run, I will lose.
When I lose, everything can be ok. I can feel in control. I hate this feeling, this out of control crazed panicked I am a disgusting waste of space why do I even eat I deserve to starve feeling.
I hate this goddamthing disease.
This is a disease. I wouldn't wish this, this anorexia or whatever the hell it is, on my worst enemy.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Anyone.
And I would doalmost anything, anything to get rid of it.
To actually recover, not to fake it like I am now. I'm sick of lying.
I
just
want
to
lose
weight.
Gain it all back.
All I want is to be able to run again.
When I run, I will lose.
When I lose, everything can be ok. I can feel in control. I hate this feeling, this out of control crazed panicked I am a disgusting waste of space why do I even eat I deserve to starve feeling.
I hate this goddam
This is a disease. I wouldn't wish this, this anorexia or whatever the hell it is, on my worst enemy.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Anyone.
And I would do
To actually recover, not to fake it like I am now. I'm sick of lying.
I
just
want
to
lose
weight.
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