sorry

Sorry I never post anymore girls.

News:  My boyfriend broke up with me.

I'll be back soon, after midterms.

speedy

Speedy post!

Isobel, midterms are both!  Important exams in the middle of each term.  Hence, me studying my butt off (heh, if only, eh?) this week/next :(  I miss y'all.  I owe you an update (pinky promise!) and replies to your wonderful comments.  You lovely people <3  still wondering, any guys out there?  I'm curious.

I was 91 this morning but it will go up after the weekend because I'll be home studying and parents will make me eat.  Trying not to stress too much about it.  Am stressing, but whatever.  It's unavoidable and it'll help a. keep them off my case for longer and b. them not worry, which is good.

I do have a question on which I need some advice though.  The spring track season starts soon and I need a physical.  I'm (obviously) no where near my lowest weight but my doctor is gonna flippppp.  Should I gain weight (GAH) or just keep losing and deal with it when it comes or maintain or whaaaat?  I want to see the 80s again SO FREAKING BADLY I miss my hip bones stabbing out...

The other day my bf put his arm around me and squeezed my waist and (jokingly, I hope? pray) said, "Aww, you're getting squishy!  Your hips don't stab me anymore!"

I know hope to God that he was joking but it still hurt.  A lot.  A really lot.

I hate how I can see myself relapsing, wtf.

Anyway, any and all comments truly appreciated, I need some help.
Lots of love.

physics...

...is the bane of my existence.  Also midterms next week, ugh.

I swear, I will get an update post for you soon, Isobel.

Plateaued at 93ish.  Yup.  Story of my life.

Today...
Input:  436 calories
Output:  365 calories
TOTAL:  71 calories

Love you ladies!
(And gents?  Any gents following?  40 followers btw :O  My goodness gracious!  I'm so honored <3  Shout out in the comments if I'm not following you back, please!)

~Posie

MLK day weekend

Hai girls.

So, I'm gonna be unexpectedly away from home this weekend, so I won't be able to post til Monday or Tuesday :P  Sorry to come back and then desert you again!

(Amusing side note:  I typed "dessert" first...  Freudian slip anyone?  One downside of this getting back into restricting is that I'M FREAKING STARVING ARRRGH.  And I'm not even restricting compared to how I used to!  I'm "easing into it" which is bullshit but I'm also trying not to get caught again...  al;skdfjals;dkjf.  Anyway.)

So much school work (midterms coming ugh) but Isobel, I promise a long update post asap!  I miss hearing from you :(  I hope you have fun tonight!!  Dance off some pounds for me too, eh?

VictoriaCrimson, thank you SO MUCH for that comment!!  It totally made my day :D  Your faith in my weight loss abilities makes me feel so good <3  I'm sure (not to sound cocky, sorry) that I could do it in 2 weeks (and Sweet Jesus do I want to), but I don't want to push it too much and get the scale taken away again and be monitored all the time...  so I'm taking it slow.  I'll be semi-normal again this long weekend that I'm spending with family...  and then onward again.  I just can't even say how psyched I am to have the scale and to not weigh like...  107 like I was terrified I did.

It's been hell oh gosh.  I owe y'all some explanations, argh.  Sooo sorry for this rambly disorganized post, my brain is cluttered :P

Anyway, back to physics.  Sigh.

Love you all tons and tons, have an amazing weekend, stay strong and think thin for me too!

Love, Posie

back, bitches

Heck yeah.  I'm back bitches!

Pro:  Gained enough weight for Mom to give the scale back.
Con:  Gained enough weight for Mom to give the scale back.

Pro:  I do not weigh 12305173089 pounds as I feared, I weigh 93.
Con:  I weigh 93.

It's gonna be mad hard to hide any weight loss after all this (continual) monitoring, plus I am NOT in the habit of starving anymore...  but I will do it.
Give me a month and I'll be back in the 80s, I swear it.  To myself, to you, to myself.

Lots o' love.

fail

Without a scale, I have no progress to report to you girls.

I'm sorry.

I feel like I fail everyone - my parents, for being so screwed up, my friends, for lots of things, and you lovely, wonderful people, because I never post anymore.

So, I'm sorry.  I love you all, I just don't have any concrete things to say...  I have no plans atm, all I do is restrict as much as I can.

Hope all is well <3

tomorrow

Tomorrow, I go back to school.


Tomorrow, you will stop watching me for three meals a day and one mandatory snack.


Tomorrow, I will restart my exercise program.


Tomorrow, I'll stop eating again, except what you make me eat at dinner.


I look at myself in the mirror and cry.  I look normal.  Like a healthy, thin, gorgeous human being.  I remember, just a few months ago, 82 pounds...  ribs, hip bones, a huge gap between my thighs, constant shivering, a fur coat, starvation, misery...  but, oh, to be that skinny - skin and bones - again...


What would 80 be like?


I'm scared to find out.  This is dangerous.  


I've always liked danger.


Tomorrow?


Tomorrow I starve.


Happy New Year to Posie.