happiness
Boy finally asked me out! We are officially a couple, and a gosh-darn adorable one at that, if I do say so myself.
And because I'm sick of referring to him as "Boy," I'll call him David (not his real name).
hope
Anyway, now I have even more of a drive to be absolutely, glowingly perfect for him! I'm his first serious relationship (and good gracious I can't wait for our first kiss), so I need to be PERFECT.
Being perfect thus requires some weight loss. I'm solidly at 97, but it's getting a tad noticeable that I am losing weight (I'm down almost 10 pounds from the holidays, how disgusting is that?), so nosy people are getting involved (again, ugh).
Taking baby steps, I plan to get through this weekend maintaining and not losing my mind, and then continuing losing over the week when I'm not being practically force-fed.
[David hardly eats either, or at least not around me, so that's not an issue so far.]
I've bought myself a cute new top to wear when I get to 94 or 95, depending on how I feel. So there's more motivation.
I can do this. Because now I NEED to do this!
a serious question
And I would love some serious answers, please. I'm honored to have 69 followers and I honestly want all of your advice.
Do I tell him? I don't remember if I told you girls this, but I told my last boyfriend about my eating disorder.
He was disgusted. It was terrible how he reacted, and he never treated me the same after. I trusted him and it didn't work out, because he only saw the monster.
He couldn't save me. He watched me wither and he did nothing. Couldn't stopmesaveme.
But David is so different. He's sweet and kind and understanding...
...so girls. Do I tell him? Do I give him a peek into my fun-house mirrored mind? It is a huge part of me. Such a huge part. You remember, back in November I was 82.
82 and dying but we don't think about that. I need to be thin again.
Do I tell him?
replies
Unknown, thank you! I cannot wait til I'm losing again, and you can do it too!
Isobel, I love you. It means so much to me that you care, you know that? I worry about you, I just want you to be happy, and I KNOW that you can do that. Happiness isn't a number, but you'll find the number that makes you happy. Trust me :) You look amazing already!
Love you all! Sorry for the long rambling post, I'm quite busy with schoolwork and a new boyfriend :)
Adieu, much love.
honestly, I wouldn't tell him until you've been together for a good while...
ReplyDeleteI've been with my boy for about 3 years, and only just now am I starting to hint at my fucked mind.
I don't know what to tell you since I've never met David, but if you feel comfortable right now, you should tell him. If now, wait.
Keep strong, love
xoxo
Boyfriend!! <3<3 David is an adorable name (real or not haha)
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure about telling him to be honest. I would love to able to tell you that it always works out for the best, but when I told My bf (who is otherwise perfect) about my eating issues, he just kind of brushed me off. Granted I never got super skinny or dangerous like you have in the past, but it's very hard to know what to say/how to react to news like that and frankly, you might startle the poor boy!
He'll want to help, but he won't know how, he might try to encourage you to eat before you're ready. A number of things.
I would wait and see. If it feels right then obviously do it, but otherwise see how things work out for a bit first?
Oh, and could I be any more giddy that I got a name check? Blog soul sister forever haha!
I will find my happy weight, for real. xxx<3xxx