2012

Please be good to us.

What are everybody's resolutions?

how can a heart

feel so much joy, and so much pain, at the same time?

Somedays I swear my heart is breaking.  And others, I swear I could fly.

I want someone to fix me, because I don't think I can do it myself.

happy holidays

How's everyone doing?

my boy is home

:)

The endless cycle of craziness in my head only stops around him.

excuse me while i say some things that need to be said

Excuse me while I fucking relapse, bitch.  You know what I've been through, what I go through every day, and you do THIS?  Fuck you.  Fuck you, and your fucking wannarexia, and your fucking false diagnosis.  We both know that if anyone deserves that label, it's me.  We both know that you WANT it, and I don't.  You and your fucking need to be better than everyone, and I'm sorry, but not this.  This is MINE.

Bitch, you'll be crying when I beat you.

It's on.  It's fucking on.

Fuck.  You.

Sorry for the profanity :P  I hate cursing, it's not ladylike, but sometimes it's gotta come out.  This is a horrible rant.  Bitch, if you for some bizarre reason, read this, I don't really mean it.  Most of it.  I think.
Anyway.


Isobel - we are going to do this together, NOW.  No more waiting.  You in, love?  


<3

smile

because you're alive.

battle

it's like a battlefield in here, inside my head

and i don't know which side is winning, or which side is losing

but most importantly, i don't know which side is the good guys

and which is the bad.

can someone explain to me

what is broken, in my head?

I remember clearly how miserable and depressed I was when I "too skinny."  I was cold, always cold.  Miserable.  Helpless.

Why do I want to go back to that?  Help?

help!

Ok, girls, help me, please!

I need to get Boy a Christmas gift, and it has to be INCREDIBLE and Fantastic and Wonderful AMAZING.
He always gets me the most heartfelt, beautiful, meaningful gifts, and I want to do the same for him.
But I have no ideas!  So I ask for help - ideas?

He likes music and classic books and weird, nerd things and hockey and math and me and hand written letters and funny stories and true love and cuddling and things like this.

WHAT SHOULD I GET HIM?

yearning

All my life, my heart has yearned for a thing I cannot name.

~Andre Breton

you are more than

You are more than...

http://youaremorethan.tumblr.com/

What are YOU more than?

sometimes i wonder...

...why do I bother?  Why do I go on, day after day after day after day?

Why?

And then I remember that it's for you, and for him, and for them, and for the smile I put on a stranger's face when I say, "Hi!  I hope you're having a beautiful day."And for the feel of snow on my upturned face, and for mittens, and for holding hands, and for kisses on my nose, and my head on his chest, and his songs, and his eyes, and for waiting for Christmas, and then spring, and then summer and the feel of bare feet and cool swimming pools and then fall and the turning of time, that heals all things.And for the "I love you"s, and the "Thank you for everything"s, and for the "You're the best friend I have", and for the feeling when she doesn't swallow those pills, and when he doesn't take a knife to his wrists, for the remembrance that other people need me, like I need them.

It is for these things.

Remember this, today.

the last straw

That's it.


I'm getting skinny again.


I don't care what it takes.


WHO'S WITH ME?

i am sick

but not puking/no-appetite sick.

All I am is miserable.

*sigh*

There is no justice.

How are all of you?

december

please be good to me