from "memento mori" to a phoenix rising
sickness to recovery

Sunday, August 14, 2011

a rant to you [who will never see this]


I fucking hate you sometimes.  You do realize that I'm going to win, don't you?  YOU made this a contest.  All I wanted, or at least, what I thought I wanted, was to get better.  YOU ruined it.  This is YOUR faultfaultfault and I SWEAR, I am going to win.  You want to get to 95 pounds?  So help me God, I will get to 90.  You get to 90?  I'll get to 80.  I've been there before, at 82, featherthinlightairy dying.  And I hope you can damn well fucking live with yourself whenif this kills me.
I fucking hope you can look in the mirror and not see a goddamn murderer.   I hope whenif I die, you can look my boyfriend, my family, my REAL friends in the face and say "I'm sorry, it was I.  I killed her. Me, me, me."
Because it's fucking all about you, isn't it.
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6 comments:

  1. CAliChicaAugust 14, 2011 at 8:48 PM

    hunny i feel like i can relate to this,though i have no clue who u are talking about u've voiced the way i sometimes feel about my (ex) bestfriend . i hope u feel better soon xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. LizAugust 15, 2011 at 1:31 AM

    Hi, I have never read your blog before, but I saw your comment on Kourtney xx's blog (http://diaryofanuglygirl.blogspot.com/) and I just wanted to say thank you. I'm glad that you spoke up and told her that she shouldn't be choosing this. I posted something similar, and I really hope she listens. So again, thank you! You seem like a wonderful person, from what I can gather. I hope you know that, and that you know that you're beautiful :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Peridot (G+P)August 15, 2011 at 3:25 AM

    If I could keep this person alive for a week while I pulled their guts out inch by inch, so help me I would do it.

    *GLOMP*

    ReplyDelete
  4. robyngabrielleAugust 15, 2011 at 5:00 AM

    You don't have to feel this way - that person, just let them be nothing to you. We all have toxic people in our lives and it's hard to let go but you will emerge the stronger person.

    I believe in you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    And it goes without saying I love you to the moon and back xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Fatgirl95August 15, 2011 at 5:49 AM

    You're my inspiration!!! Stay strong. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousAugust 15, 2011 at 9:21 AM

    Ana is horrible, hope you are okay - stay strong don't let her be the beall and endall you can defeat her. xx

    ReplyDelete

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