"cognitive dissonance"the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, esp. as relating to behavioural decisions and attitude change
I am in recovery.
It's time to stop lying to myself. I cannot live in this halfway world. I cannot claim to be "recovered" and "healthy" when on the inside I know it's a lie.
I have to go all or none. I have to want it.
The problem is that I don't want it. I don't want it enough.
I want to be healthy and happy and bright and alive and moving&dancing.
I want to be scaryskinny and bony and
How can two such opposite ideas exist in me at once?
Honey,
ReplyDeleteYou can still be tiny and special and beautiful without the eating disorder. Please remember that. I wish you all the best in pursuing recovery - will you still be writing here? I love your posts and would be interested in how it goes for you. You have all of us behind you.
Much love
gabby xxxxxxxx
I am very happy to hear you say you're in recovery. It wlll be hard at times but it's good to hear you have now made a conscious decision to get better. You *can* be slim and healthy. Xxxxxx
ReplyDeleteDichotomy and paradox.
ReplyDeleteThe friction produced by the two ideas rubbing against eachother will spark the fire that leads to your rebirth as a gorgeous phoenix that dances through the skies.
You can do it. You can bet this shit. It's trying to take all the joy and fun out of your life and then your life as well. Don't let it. You are stronger than it.
Ganbatte! <3
Good luck with your recovery, honey.
ReplyDeleteI wish you the absolute best!
Even if you're not posting E.D.-esque thoughts or habits anymore, I would still like to read about how recovery is going and how well you're doing!
Love you!
XOXO