why do i insist on eating?

I have a PROBLEM.

I liked it better when my problem was not eating.  Now I eat too much.

I'm a weak, fat, useless, slob.  Why?

Solution:  stop eating.  Start now.

back story

I've been reading old posts of mine, from Fall 2010 when I was actually losing weight and starving.

82 pounds, God.

I don't whether to be inspired or disgusted.  Cry for the girl I was or cross my fingers I can find her again.

This is a disease, and it has me.  It has me.  It has me.

i want

To be the "after," and not the "before."

How is everyone doing?

i understand and i wish to continue

I understand what I'm doing.

I wish to continue.

How delightfully ironic that to view one of these sadstarvingdying blogs, we must click that button.

Oh, we understand.  And yet we wish to continue.

We wish to continue.

stop

Stop eating.  Stop starving.
Stop running too much.  Start running again.
Stop binging.  Stop starving.
Stop stressing.  Do better in school.
Stop worrying.  Help your friends.
Stop.
Stop stop stop stop stop!


Stop everything.
Just stop.

clarification

My boyfriend is not an asshole like my last post kinda made him out to be.

He was hesitant to even voice an opinion on my body, but I pestered him, and he said that as long as I'm healthy he doesn't care, but that I looked amazing this summer.

So yeah.  Guess I did what Isobel did haha, whoops.

Boyfriend is brilliant and wonderful.  Not asshole.

/clarification.

tuesday update

So, today, my boyfriend basically told me that he found me more attractive this summer than he does now.

This summer, I was 96-102 lbs.  At the moment, I am afraid to weigh myself.  But it's between 112 and 116 lbs.

Which is literally disgusting.  I know some of you would think that's small, but trust me, I have a TINY frame.  This looks globby and gross and fatfatfat on me.

Dear God.  Help me.  Why can't I get my shit together and just lose weight?  Why? Why? Why?

i need to starve and run and run and starve and be perfect again.