from "memento mori" to a phoenix rising
sickness to recovery

Friday, June 24, 2011

slipping again

...into old habits.

Last fall habits.

restrictthinkthinskinnystarve habits.  ribsnhipsncollarbones habits.  habits that i need want? i don't know anything anymore oh God help me can I do this again yes I can I MUST I will be thinthinthin and float away on air like a soap bubble, delicate as can be David will be heartbroken screw him, we'll be THIN can i do this? yesyesyes maybe no? yes.  remember.  nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.  
I was handed a spoonful of Nutella today.

I smiled, graciously thanked my father, stuck it in my mouth til he turned around and left the room.

Spat it out.

When did I become so strong?

And why isn't it losing me any weight?

Still stuck at 97.

1 comment:

  1. If you do a fast it will probably have to be longer than 24rs to force your body to stop storing fat. If you eat normally you may gain, but it tricks your body out of starvation mode and you should start losing again once you start restricting.

    Stay strong

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